Topic started by Bhargavi Raj (@ 1cust124.tnt1.bloomington.il.da.uu.net) on Thu May 23 15:08:14 .
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After two years of working in the city, I was shifted to one of the colleges in the outskirts of Balaramnagar.It was a small town like place, bigger than a village, smaller than a city. I was happy. Supriya Desai, a colleague working with me in the same school was surprised for me being happy. After all no one would like to get transferred every 2years. But I had opted for this ,the time I joined as a teacher. I am Ranjini.
I remember that I wasn’t like this, when I was in school. Not even in college. My teachers used to adore me. It all happened two years ago when I separated from my husband Vikram. This caused my father’s death. He was working in a government office as a clerk. We were a middle class family, with no regrets in life. I don’t even remember my mother & I have no siblings.
My father used to be my best pal. I thought he would always be with me. Sometimes the hardships of life take us so much away from reality that it becomes hard to recognize who we are after some years. I knew the reason for my father’s death. It’s as if, only I knew. My father couldn’t bear this shock. He was so happy during my marriage. I knew that the marriage was more than what he could afford.
In the beginning I thought life was just a straight line without any curves, Vikram is a nice person. Things went well for a year. But then after the miscarriage it became tougher. I did not know whom to blame & Vikram couldn’t express his feelings. There were many days we wouldn’t even talk to each other. Finally I decided to do my teachers training course. The space in between us became more and more after that. I used to be busy with my work & course. He was busy with his work. I still remember that day; it still wakes me up in the night with a jerk. Vikram was unusually happy. He came to me and said that he was promoted & they have asked to join their London office. I had no reaction for this. That night we fought, the reason still I don’t know. But that’s the day we decided to separate.
I heard that he left for London. I joined school & I was living my life. I was not contented. Somewhere every time I used to feel lonely & guilty. Do all the marriages fail? What was my mistake? Why me?? All these questions used to pump inside me.
One day Supriya came to meet me. I was very happy that she was going to stay with me for another few weeks for her training.
She is a very good friend since I joined school. She knew everything. That day, she asked me “Ranjini, do you ever think of going back to Vikram??” I smiled and nodded my head to say no.
But I was thinking. Something inside me always said so. But I was not sure.
Days passed. Supriya also went back & I was again alone. When one day during my class, a peon came and gave me a letter. I opened it .it said:
Dear Ranjini,
How are you? I am here for sometime. There is a project going on in Balaramnagar. When I went to your old house they gave me your present address. I am very sorry for Uncles demise. Call me if you want, my no is 3456783.
Vikram.
I was happy. I thought I should definitely call him. That day I went back & asked him to come home for dinner. He came home with a bunch of roses. I was very much delighted to see him. As we sat to have dinner the current went off. I lighted some candles .I was somehow feeling more secure in the dim light. We started having the dinner. We couldn’t start a topic to talk. My mind was constantly begging him to start talking, and then he at last broke the silence. ‘Ranjini, what did you do all these days? ‘ I said ‘ I was teaching…finding a reason to live’. Vikram smiled and said ‘ why did we separate? Did you not like me? Was I improper in anyway?’ I said no. There was again silence for a long time.
Slowly I asked ‘ Vikram, do u think that I am the reason for the miscarriage?’ ‘ No Ranjini, not at all. I thought u needed some time to come out of the shock, so I left you alone’ said Vikram. Then why didn’t you talk to me Vikram? . Why? “I shouted. Vikram slowly said ‘it was a boy; I went and saw him when u were unconscious. And that’s the time I went and hugged him and started crying.
After a few hours the current was back. I decided to go back with Vikram and settle in London.
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