thaayil sirandha kOvilum illai
Topic started by Venky Narayanan on Thu Sep 23 17:57:09 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.
This is my first attempt in story telling. Please don't forget to post your comments after reading it, even if it is a single word.
Thanks...
- Venky Narayanan.
¢ Ţ !
" ŢƢ ! ġ"
ӾĢ ¢ áɢ .
"š Ӹ ܼ â¡ . º, ɢ ǡ, ɧ ظ 츢츢 . ġ ̨ ܼ â¡ âš . Ĩ 츧ɡ ý."
째 â м, - ܼ ɢ ...
"ɡ ġ â ? 측 á â 측 ġ ɢо. 측 ɡʧ ǡ š . â측 Ӿ Ũ¡ 츢ġ. ġ . ?"
...
"ġ ɡ, ɡ 츢 ġ âﺢ Ⱦľ."
â Ĩ ɡ ŢƢ !
* * *
Ţ,
á ؾ즸. . Ȣ š. â측 š 츢. Ţ â . ¨ š ţ է Ţ ĢŢ . ȡ â ġ.
š. ɢ . ʾм ŢƢ 즸 Ҩ . â 츢 ܼ ġ , â측Ţ š¢ ը¡ Ҹ.
š¾, â š š Ţ. Ţ š â . â ġ ̧ ¡. ź . ɡ ӾĢ š . Ĩ â š â.
ɢ ¡ 즸.
. ŢƢ ۨ Ž ɡ !
,
,
á.
(Ȣ : ⢠ؾ¢. ? Ţ ؾ. .)
* * *
"ġ ! ... á ."
. . .
" ġ 째 ! ?"
. . .
" ! ġ 측. ȡ . ġ ǡ Ũ . 츢ȧ ȡ. Ũ ŧǡ 츢 ġ . 'ġ ¡. â측 Մ 츢 þ á ﺢ츢 째. ɡ Ӿ â측 '- -- Ģ !"
. . .
"â. Χ ġ â. Մ ȡ ¡ ?! է Ģ 23- Ģ."
. . .
"ġ Ũ. . â측 ġ á ! š â ġ"
. . .
" ! ¡ Ģ ġ Ȣ . ɡ á ¡. ɡ â ! ... â ! â측 ž ɡ ܼ ! ͼ ?"
* * *
" ! á ¡ 측ǡ. է -¢ ¢측". áɢ â 즸 ɡ ŢƢ.
".... ."
" ɡ ¡ ¢ ɢ ?"
" ! ġ â !!" Ţ á. áɢ Ө Ţ ġ Ţ()츢ȡ .
" ¢ - - ¡ ?"
" ɡ ɡ ¡ 츢 . âЧ ¡ Ģ츢 측 ! ɡ ġ ġ !"
"ġ ¡. á . Ţ ġ ¡ š ? ܼ ţ 𧸈 ¡ ɡ ? ... ! !" .
â ŨĨ .
" Մ ɡ 측 ? ġ ġ ɡ ? 측. ġ ɡ â¡ ¢. Ţ Մ Ũ측â ġ ȡ. ?"
" ¢"
"... ã š ġ ʦ . ܼ ġ"
* * *
"¡ ! ɡ¡ Ţ Ţ ¢ʧ !!" 셢¢ á, ܼ ¢ Ţ .
" á body- мġ . 측 ¡ ġ Ǣ Ģ ġ ɡ" ȡ 츢 է .
"á. ǡ ⢠ܼ -¢ . ; â. 쨸¢Ģ Ģ ¡ Ģ¢측. ţ ʸ 셢 츢 ž ¢" ܼ ¡ áɢ Ǣ Ӹ Ҩ է.
" ! 측 ! ܼ ܼ ¡ ¢ ! ¡ !!"
* * *
Venky Narayanan
Texas, USA.
Sept 23, 1999.
venkynarayanan@hotmail.com
Responses:
- From: rags (@ ariel.sun.com)
on: Thu Sep 23 18:04:08
Good one venky.Keep it up.
Rajan character is realistic.... Its very true nowadays...
All the best.
- From: bb (@ schubert.crhc.uiuc.edu)
on: Fri Sep 24 10:06:27
venky, a good representation of what goes on.. how much of it is true for people who stay back in india? do we become numb towards relationships just because we are here?
- From: pal (@ 208.227.135.231)
on: Fri Sep 24 10:26:37
venky, a nice one. Style is really good. write more.
- From: chandy (@ 209.125.83.228)
on: Fri Sep 24 11:08:24
Venky,
Damn good story! Kayal vizhi character-ai damage pannAma kadhaiyai kondu ponadhu was good!
BB's Q was interesting. The number of inmates in old age homes in India is increasing. There was an article in Sunday Hindu a few months back which dealt with lonely NRI parents in India. Bangalore and several cities in India have a NRI-parent association now!
Thaaiyir Sirandhadhoru Koil-um Illai..
Panam Vandaal Paasamum Parakum??
chandy
- From: Ganesh Raghu (@ 225.houston-06-07rs.tx.dial-access.att.net)
on: Fri Sep 24 12:36:22
Hello Venky,
Story was captivating! Looks like you kept somebody in mind while writing this story.
Good narration and diction on how love gets transferred from beloved mom to darling wife to the most beloved job. Money is the leveller even with mom! Keep writing ! Here are your fans who are anxiously waiting to read more from you!
- From: v (@ gateway.sms.siemens.com)
on: Fri Sep 24 13:26:00
venky, nalla ezhuthu nadai for a beginner. Write more. 90% makkal Rajan category thaan irrespective of where they are [bb sonna point]. Ennala muzhusaa Rajan melayum thappu solla mudiyalai!
- From: Vignesh Raghu (@ 1cust123.tnt2.hou2.da.uu.net)
on: Fri Sep 24 13:36:38
Dear Venkey,
This is an absolute portrayal of reality in this world. To be very frank, it has triggered my thought process a lot....
Keep up the good work..... Vignesh
- From: pae (@ global25.citicorp.com)
on: Fri Sep 24 14:48:28
Venky, good debut.
- From: jigu jigu (@ freedum.proxy.lucent.com)
on: Fri Sep 24 15:52:52
venky,
good style in showing the progressive changes of rajan's thinking. sort of expected the climax. more 'punch'es in the second half would have helped. I liked it though!
- From: U no me (@ morrison.matrox.com)
on: Fri Sep 24 16:30:39
Venky,
.
- From: rajaG (@ daecfp02.sprint.com)
on: Fri Sep 24 16:46:45
Venky,
Good work. The initial over estimation (though mostly a good intention) of care and affection is a very accurate potrayal of "Indian" mentality. I particularly like the way you did NOT develop the character of Kayalvizhi, thus keeping the intrigue of the situation intact.
Just some random thoughts:
Love flows down the generation. You will never love your parents back to the same extent they love you. You will love your children to the same extent your parents loved you.
Giving the parents 'hell' at home is SOME TIMES worse than making arrangements for them at a 'home'.
Providing financial 'help' is not equal to providing financial help plus emotional/physical help. However, financial help MAY BE better than mere physical/emotional help in SOME cases. Providing financial help is ALWAYS better than providing NO help.
Citizenship kidaiththu parents ai sponsor senjaalum it takes 5 years+ for your parents to get Medicare/Medicaid etc.- Reality.
- From: NOV (@ bkj-cache80.jaring.my)
on: Fri Sep 24 22:25:00
Venky - Good narration. Should cause some jolts. :-))
- From: ravi SUNdaram (@ 192.149.1.168)
on: Sat Sep 25 13:42:19
Venky, Excellent. Please keep writing more. Very realistic portrayal.
- From: Nadpu (@ 1cust222.tnt2.dfw2.da.uu.net)
on: Sat Sep 25 15:26:34
venky,
Is it a real story or what? Good one....
- From: Ramji (@ 205.177.170.132)
on: Sun Sep 26 08:44:57
Venky:
You turned an otherwise cliched theme into a very readable story by your writing style - the "letter" technique. In fact I felt you could have stuck to it throughout instead of the narrative end.
Come back with more.
- From: Venky Narayanan (@ 1cust178.tnt3.hou3.da.uu.net)
on: Mon Sep 27 00:25:47
Rags, bb, pal, chandy, ganesh, v, vignesh, pae, jigu, mano, rajaG, NOV, nadpu, ramji !
Thanks for all the nice words. Your comments and complements are very heartening and encourage me to write more (uh huh, can't escape ! you guys asked for it ;-)
I'll certainly consider all your valuable suggestions to better my penmanship.
how much of it is true for people who stay back in india?
bb: Good question. A good 'karu' for another story ;-))
The Kalayvizhi character was made that way to show that the current state of Rajan was not even influenced by his wife !
- From: Venky (@ 1cust178.tnt3.hou3.da.uu.net)
on: Mon Sep 27 00:28:19
oops... Left out ravi's name !!
Thanks SUN !! ;-)
- From: Ebby (@ mail.michaels.com)
on: Mon Sep 27 16:07:21
Venkey,
It is an absolute expression of 'Attitude' VS
'Feelings' of typical Desi. The feelings remain deep inside the heart though the attitude changes according to the situations. Is that not Venkey ?
Just leaving the people to get their own morals out of it is just great !!!
Expecting more !!
- From: Isai Rasigai (@ columbo.wfd.com)
on: Mon Sep 27 16:50:05
Venky:
Hats off - nijamaave indha maadiri evlavo nadakkardhu and an excellent attempt at depicting painful reality - enga veettu neighbour paatti kku indha gadhi thaan - so konjam emotional aa aayitten when I read your story - good work and keep it up - looking forward to more stories from you :)
- From: Gokul (@ bhxrr1.flpk.pwcglobal.com)
on: Wed Sep 29 17:38:25
Venky: For a first attempt, it reads very well. Even though the theme is old, the presentation is pretty good. I loved the change of structure from the regular narration to letter to phone. Should have included email to murugEsa maama too:-)
Congratulations.
- From: Venky Narayanan (@ inehou-pxy05.compaq.com)
on: Wed Sep 29 17:47:27
Thanks Ebby, Isai Rasigai, Gokul !!
Gokul: Trust me. I thought of including the e-mail too ;-)) Then later on dropped it to cut the story short ! ...and good catch on that pinkurippu ! ;-)
- From: Kanchana (@ spider-wb064.proxy.aol.com)
on: Wed Sep 29 18:21:55
Venky, congratulations! My detailed comments and suggestions follow by e-mail as promised. Hope to see more from you :-)
- From: Venky Narayanan (@ inehou-pxy06.compaq.com)
on: Tue Oct 5 10:37:04
Kanchana : Thanks for the e-mail with your comments and suggestions...
- From: Ranga (@ lang1ts4.ca.us.prserv.net)
on: Sat Dec 11 19:31:08
Venky,
romba moralise paNNaama incidentaa puttu puttu vechi padikkaravangaLai unga convictionukku
izukkaRathu .... good technique. But you have spite on someone nungara madhiri kadhai poradhe avoid paNNiyirukkalaam. You blame Rajan with the tone of narration. Rajanaiyum justify paNNiyirunthaa innum nallaa irukkum.
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