Indian films - will they come out from their banal themes ?
Topic started by MS (@ 129.252.26.235) on Mon Apr 10 18:24:39 .
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The following article has been published in Deccan herald.
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- From: MS (@ 129.252.26.235)
on: Mon Apr 10 18:26:03 EDT 2000
Obscenema!
ANIL CHINTAMANI hustles up an addict`s guide on screenploys, diwrecktion, musick,
edi-tar, dia-log, melotrauma and the cry-max of entertainment.
SHOWTIME folks, so let us settle down for a close look at what fantasy vendors of Chembur, Mylapur or Tollygunj are preparing to dish out, ostensibly to entertain us and fill the government`s coffers. A broad analytical assessment of their activity, one assumes, is in order. Let`s therefore unsheath our scalpels or meat cleavers and set to work, limb by cinematic limb.
Screenploy: A device to stretch a palm-size story into a dozen cans of merchandise for consumers whose capacity to inflict punishment on themselves is unbelievably vast. The screenploy fixes slots for all ingredients like song saturation, fighting fits and melo-trauma. Next to diwrecktion, screenploy is the single largest factor that ensures that a movie plunges to the depths of its patrons` expectations.
Diwrecktion: Veteran or green- horn, the person entrusted with this job performs the task of the wring master. Naturally, it is his responsibility to wring laughter, sighs, tears or catcalls from the hapless audience. In most cases, what the diwrecktor is able to wring from the audience tends to be unprintable.
Edi-tar: Diwrecktor`s prime accomplice in all his black deeds. Assigned to make sense out of the jumble of footage or kilometrage shot, his labour often leaves everyone involved in a film venture with a black mark.
Dia-log: No doubt about it, it has to be heavy now. And entirely predictable. Classic example: Kaan khol kar sun lo! Not all that absurd because all the characters have been delivering their lines so stridently that many in the auditorium have their palms pressed to their ears. In the good old days, dia-log was actually light and bouncy, as that between Boss and Mona darling.
Mu-sick: Difficult to say who has passed on the sickness to whom. Tune peddlars in the olden days could lift lilting arrangements from Spanish or Uzbek folk music surreptitiously and get away with it because there were no Ricky Martins and the like belting away on MTV or Channel V. Fans now are red-faced with rage because native composers have lifted their idol`s tune so blatantly. The native composer is blue in the face because he has been caught tune-lifting instantly.
Song saturation: A mass drill designed to test the endurance limits of the human chassis, particularly in the pelvic territory. Success guaranteed if the lead artistes can emulate circus contortionists, though their costumes might tempt the audience to mistake them for circus clowns. Large numbers are mandatory for this highly polluting activity. It is conducted on the hillside or riverside or even on the roadside without ruk or hindrance. The heartening flipside is that for hordes of extras, it is sunshine time.
If a film has entered the seventh month of unbroken run in many centres, toss in a thirteenth song or even a fourteenth. Imagine, in the bad old days, they used to chop off a song, after beaming it for months on Vividh Bharati and Amin Sayani`s Aapki Farmaish!
Due yet?: The interrogative mark lies there because this element makes its appearance after the lead players have consumed some footage in mutual recrimination, often uncalled for. This immensely popular limb of song saturation is composed largely of very vigorous pelvic jerks executed by the lead pair while stationed in close proximity. After the first burst, due-yets may spew in rather rapid succession, till a crippling disorder called melo-trauma strikes the proceedings.
Fighting fits: Can afflict the narrative just before or immediately after a due-yet or song saturation. Under exceptional circumstances, these spells of epilepsy even co- exist with song saturations. The package is then sought to be palmed off as com-eddy.
Com-eddy: Let not the innocuous phonetic similarity fool you, there is nothing calm about this vital component of obscenema. This is an element that can afford to be missing only in that offensive breed called the art cinema where everyone prefers to cry, the man at the cash counter the loudest.
Well, if there is no calm, eddy there certainly is, frequently of the smelly variety. And the players who set off the eddy come generally in pairs, like the exalted Laurel and Har-eddy. Local film buffs have to be content with the likes of the late N S Rao-Umashree or Shakti Kapoor-Kader Khan or Goundamani-Sendhil combines.
Melo-trauma: A high decibel disorder that fills the gaps between fighting fits, com-eddy and song saturation. The afflicted players scowl darkly, fling their limbs about, pace up and down and in chronic cases, smash the props and other furniture. Female characters of all ages tend to flood the set with spurious tears during these attacks.
Cry-max: No lacrimose relative of Mad Max but an indispensable part of obscenema. It consists of a lot of characters crying regardless of gender, from the lead player`s pet mongoose to the helicopter pilot`s understudy. There is no bar of any kind. Even the commissioner of police can be shedding copious tears, not to mention the top bad guy who awaits a hail of magnum bullets. Or even the parrallel hero cradling his dying buddy in his arms Cry-max generally ends with the appearance of the police to clear the ground for the smiling family (what is left of it) portrait.
The end.
- From: anu (@ )
on: Wed Nov 29 09:24:52
Wow! I will never feel like watching an Indian film again!;)
- From: S.Ram Prasad (@ )
on: Fri Jul 18 03:26:30
send me some New ringer tones of Telugu,English songs my number is 98483-08153,9440194503
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