Topic started by DJ (@ 204.115.121.242) on Mon May 21 15:27:10 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

I used to get annoyed when telemarketers used to call me. They used to call my wife day and night.But I found a way out. Surprisingly, they have stopped.

Here are some tips to drive Telemarketers crazy and have some fun:

1. When they are explaining put them on speaker and turn on TV at high volume.

2. Ask politely their home number. They can't give you one. Politely answer: So you know how annoying it is when a stranger calls you at home.

3. Put them on speaker and resume what you were doing. When the party has talked for 2 minutes interrupt by saying "Can you repeat from beginning please".

4. One of my friend was called up by a Detergent company. He said do you have anything for blood stain on carpet. The telemarketer was surprised and asked "What happened?" He replied I think I chopped all my fingers off and there is blood everwhere on carpet.

5. Put them on Hold and tell them you are on another line. After a while come back and say "Please stay . I am almost done." Go away again.

6. Ask the person how many kids he has. How old? Are they married? Are they seeing someone? How are the grades. Why is grade in Maths not good? What they can do about that? How is mother-in-law?
Keep on doing it until they they say, Sir I don't think you care.

Answer like: I thought talking about your mother-in-law is more interesting than your product.

Please remember these are just funny ideas and means no harm to anyone. It is a hard profession being a telemarketer but sometime it is annoying too.

Please contribute other funny ideas.

Responses:

• From: rajaG (@ 208.24.179.207) on: Mon May 21 16:25:47
  
  You can ask them if they maintain a "Don't Call" list. Most of them do. If so, ask them to include you in that list. They are obligated to do so, plus they will update it permanently, when that list is sold to other database buyers.
  
  
• From: Ganes (@ 192.237.114.65) on: Thu May 24 10:04:09
  
  I'm dead sure these tips are coming-out from other (English) jokes sites....
  
  
• From: ravi sundaram (@ 192.149.1.187) on: Thu May 24 13:03:16
  
  RajaG: I usually hangup without answering. After seeing your tip, I asked the first telemarketer to include my name in their dont call list. She said she will update it, but it might take 30 days to take full effect. But anyway seems to work. Thanks rajaG.
  
  
• From: Sugrutha (@ 65.11.240.45) on: Thu May 24 22:57:08
  
  I have a caller-id. If I dont see a number, I dont pick up the phone. Usually tele-marketing calls would come with an 'unavailable' on the caller-id. Overseas calls and calls from some businesses are also displayed the same way, but non-sales callers always leave a message.
  
  
  
• From: Joes (@ ) on: Wed Sep 5 18:30:56
  
  It's their Job, so they have to do it. Lets try and get them a new and exciting job.
  
  
• From: visiri (@ dsl-64-34-176-129.telocity.com) on: Wed Sep 5 19:41:41
  
  Dj's 1st tip is very Seinfeldian :-)
  
  
• From: Dr. KK (@ access-isdn1-1.gv.psu.edu) on: Wed Sep 5 21:59:11
  
  Warning: These tips work a lot better if you (the callee) are of the male persuasion. Except maybe 2 and 3.
  
  1. Talk huskily, breathe havily and simulate being excited.
  2. Moan and groan, complain loudly about kidney stones and how they hurt you when you pass water. Talk repeatedly about squeezing a grapefruit through a pinhole, and ask if they know what you mean.
  3. Stop, and suddenly scream at your imaginary pet (preferably an armadillo) about how you are going to rip it a new poop chute with your food processor. Then ask the caller if they sell band-aids.
  And, this one never fails:
  4. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing. Let them know you have none on.
  
  
• From: Annie Jarrett (@ netcache-1113.public.svc.webtv.net) on: Sat May 18 03:02:09
  
  I was recently visiting my parents when the phone rang. The caller ID said unknown so we knew it was a telemarketer. I picked up the phone and in a little girl voice said, " hedo". the guy on the other end asked for my father. I said, "Nooo, my daddy not here now . The telemarketer stammered out a thank you and hung up. My Mother and I spent the rest of the day laughing. also if you do ask them what color underwear they have on, if they say white, tell them how boring that is and hang up
  
  
• From: R (@ drproxy.proxy.lucent.com) on: Sat May 25 02:37:58
  
  It is their job . If we are in their position ( say, call it fate ) we would do the same thing right ? And if we come to know that customers are making fun of us how would we feel ?
  
  So how about just saying in a pleasing voice
  "That looks attractive , but I am not interested right now , thank you , bye "
  
  I always do this when salesmen approach me . This way may involve more effort than just ignoring them , but I feel this is the right way .
  
  
• From: Abhilasha (@ tavo-26-220.sdsu.edu) on: Thu Aug 29 01:01:05
  
  I AM LIKE RAVI SUNDARAM, BUT NOW I WILL TRY ASKING THEM TO PUT ME ON THE DONT CALL LIST, I AM ALSO USUALLY AFRAID THAT THE PEOPLE WILL GET REAL UPSET IF I MAKE A JOKE ABOUT THEM SO I DONT TRY. HOW COME EVERYONE HERE IS INDIAN? I AM TOO. BUT I WAS BORN AMERICAN MY PARENTS ARE FROM DELHI.
  
  
• From: k (@ tavo-26-220.sdsu.edu) on: Thu Aug 29 01:02:45
  
  everyone look at me!!!
  
  
• From: S H I T K I C K E R (@ 203.200.205.6) on: Thu Aug 29 03:44:53
  
  k,
  
  Are you an exhibitionist?
  
  
• From: Skanthavelu Nadarajah (@ edtntnt7-port-168.dial.telus.net) on: Sun Dec 15 11:37:58
  
  Scream at the telemarketer, "CAN'T A MAN F*** IN PEACE?!?!?!?!?!?"
  
  
• From: Sweet Nothing (@ 202.41.106.101) on: Thu Dec 19 11:30:23
  
  Skanthavelu Nadarajah,
  
  That was too good.. Ha ha..
  
  
• From: Skanthavelu Nadarajah (@ edtntnt4-port-179.dial.telus.net) on: Thu Dec 19 17:59:59
  
  Thank you, Sweet Nothing.
  
  
• From: Skanthavelu Nadarajah (@ edtntnt13-port-92.dial.telus.net) on: Sat Dec 21 10:00:05
  
  Another one:
  
  "I will tell you this right now. If you evr call me again, I will come overthere and wrap a kutthuviLakku around your neck!"
  
  Hmmm.. Maybe that is going a little too far and if they are not Tamil, they may not know what a kutthuviLakku is, but, it might scare them off.
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ ppp-163.blr.eth.net) on: Mon Dec 23 22:58:34
  
  skanthavelu n,
  
  If they are not tamil, they wont know what kutthuvillakku is! sad!!!
  
  
  but on the other hand if,
  
  they ARE TAMIL, THEY WOULD KNOW, kutthuvillaukku CANNOT BE WRAPPED AROUND the neck!
  
  think bout it!
  
  
• From: Skanthavelu Nadarajah (@ edtntnt2-port-2.dial.telus.net) on: Fri Dec 27 19:19:02
  
  Shakthi,
  LOL! :))))
  
  I was not meaning literally! I was saying it in the form of a figure of speech! I was meaning "If you ever call me again, you are in big trouble!"
  
  Okay, here is another one which I took from the Garfield comics. Hopefully, no one will take this one the wrong way.
  
  "If you ever call me again, I will come down there and I will break your dialing finger!!!"
  
  
• From: Chad (@ pool-209-158-26-19.alt.east.verizon.net) on: Tue May 6 10:35:26
  
  I have some real good ideas. First off I am a telemarketer. Hey it's a good paying job and good to get into right out of school. I love it when people make jokes to me. That brings up my entire day. If you want to make one of us mad say you want to buy and then hang up at the last minuet.
  
  
• From: Skanthavelu Nadarajah (@ 198.161.203.25) on: Tue May 6 17:41:56 EDT 2003
  
  Another one..
  
  We have been receiving complaints from the Maldivian authorities about you harassing the local women and they said that if you continue, they will have no choice but to beat you with a wet noodle and the tar and feather you. Bye bye!
  
  
• From: Phyllis (@ proxy.lynchburg.org) on: Fri Jun 27 09:47:11
  
  I heard on the radio about a site called "don't call me" that you can put in your phone number and it goes on a list. I didn't get the whole address. Does anyone know about this?
  
  
• From: Skanthavelu Nadarajah (@ edtntnt11-port-203.dial.telus.net) on: Fri Jun 27 10:30:56 EDT 2003
  
  Ask the telemarketer, "Do you have diarrhea?"
  
  
• From: Skanthavelu Nadarajah (@ edtntnt5-port-209.dial.telus.net) on: Sat Jun 28 00:42:18 EDT 2003
  
  Ask the telemarketer, "Have you ever seen diarrhea before?" and offer a detailed description of what it is and what it looks like.
  
  

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