Topic started by fridge (@ netcache7.is.co.za) on Tue Feb 4 07:39:21 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

What is it about fights in relationships, why do people say that it makes a relationship stronger, I always think that people should strive for peace and happy stuff,
And please can someone explain why making up after a fight should be fun, I do not get this part, When I fight I get angry and it takes a while to get over it, If someone I date hurts my feelings I do not want to smile and be smoochy smoochy then, They need to get out of my sight then how can making up be so great. If I smile 5 minutes after a fight then it means that it was not a real fight, it was just a small disagreement that had to be talked over, so it means that people have pretend fights.

Responses:

• From: Raghu (@ 217.158.120.226) on: Tue Feb 4 08:40:14
  
  Fridge;
  
  y all of a sudden all these girlfriend/boyfriend topics, any problems :))
  
  
• From: fridge (@ netcache7.is.co.za) on: Tue Feb 4 09:41:46
  
  Ha Ha Raghu
  
  No No problems
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Tue Feb 4 13:43:20
  
  Fridge,
  
  we are talkin about fights in RELATIONSHIPS
  
  Dates which is not even, closer to us, does not hold good here.
  
  If a person dates an individual, more than couple of times, gets close...AND THEN...fights crops up
  then its called fights in relationship.
  
  IT makes the bond stronger because, we tend to analyse and understand, what other person actually is, how I am gonna gel with him, It portrays a clearer picture of u and him.
  
  Now even after this, we still love him, then it clearly shows, the bondage or love. And its great to get back, with a feeling
  
  I KNOW U MUCH MORE...AND STILL LOVE U
  
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Tue Feb 4 13:45:04
  
  what i meant to say was,
  
  fights cannot come in one day-stands or dates.
  
  Its just flirt, and bye
  or dont flirt and bye
  
  if u are interesting I shall get back.
  
  no question of relationship at this stage
  
  
• From: TamilNattan (@ cvg-65-27-251-73.cinci.rr.com) on: Tue Feb 4 16:04:29
  
  Fridge, there is a Tamil word called 'oodal'. Please ask some Tamil experts to explain it to you and this technique will be very useful !
  
  
• From: Nisala (@ ac9f7fe2.ipt.aol.com) on: Tue Feb 4 22:31:49
  
  Dear Fridge,
  
  "I always think that people should strive for peace and happy stuff,"
  
  
  I would concur with Shakti. I would also add that people in a relationship do not necessarily go out of their way to start a fight. Emotions can get tense when the couple starts living together, and they realize that they may have very different living habits. Or maybe one person in the relationship may do something bad accidentally, like breaking a sculpture which has been in the family for generations and the ill feelings which come as a result may not easily go away. Then there are the couples who seem to be perfectly made for each other, but their parents do not approve of the relationship and make things difficult. All these things can really put burdens on our emotions.
  
  The part where I agree with Shakti is that when a fight occurs when such emotions reach a breaking point, it takes some maturity and real bonding to get over the fight. The couple will realize that the other person in the relationship has this sort of maturity when these fights are resolved.
  
  There is one part where I do not entirely agree with Shakti. I think there are people out there who have such a high emotional intelligence quotient (EQ) as well as self-control that they would never allow a situation to get out of their control. I would surmise that such people may have less patience for those who do not possess a similar level of EQ or self-control.
  
  
• From: fridge (@ netcache7.is.co.za) on: Wed Feb 5 09:36:07
  
  tamil Nattan
  
  I know of that word, where I come from the people used to eat sheeps legs(trotters curry) and they used a oodal? I think it is that to burn of this trotter.
  So what's up, why do you need a Ooodal are you eating trotter's curry ?
  
  
• From: kumar (@ 202.88.152.194) on: Wed Feb 5 11:08:57
  
  Life won't be interesting without a fight with near and dear. OODALUKKU PIN THAN KOODAL.
  I fight with my spouse on trivial matters and she matches me in this. The funny part is that we do not carry forward the fight to the next day.
  
  
• From: TamilNattan (@ cvg-65-27-251-73.cinci.rr.com) on: Thu Feb 6 10:41:51
  
  Amma Fridgu !
  
  Oodal is not anything in which you burn sheep's legs. Looks like Kumar knows what I mentioned. Kumar, please explain to fridge about oodal before she starts looking for sheep :-))
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Thu Feb 6 12:30:54
  
  fridge,
  
  oodal= fight with loved ones...esp where the concerned 2 reconciles fast,...mock anger etc......it paves way for healthy relationship
  
  
• From: TamilNattan (@ cvg-65-27-251-73.cinci.rr.com) on: Thu Feb 6 13:59:00
  
  Shakti you can also tell Fridge about 'oodal' in ThirukkuraL.
  
  
• From: tranknu (@ 64.246.46.52) on: Fri Feb 7 00:05:53
  
  do agree with fride.
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.49) on: Fri Feb 7 02:14:44
  
  In a relationship, you build an emotional bank account. Every act of love and affection, every soft word, every loving gesture adds to your balance. Similary the account depletes during every fight, every harsh word, every willful neglect. The quality of your relationship depends upon how much balance is left in your account. If you go on building the account with love, affection, kindness and respect it will survive the fights unless you drain out your account with it.
  I cannot believe a fight makes a relationship stronger. A fight presupposes immaturity, lack of self control, lack of interospection and lack of consideration for others. I firmly believe that even when the other person is 'wrong' and aggressive, there need not be a fight. If you are mature there will be understanding passivity (and silence) on your part and may be, a bit of sadness.
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.49) on: Fri Feb 7 02:35:14
  
  Shakti,
  
  " IT makes the bond stronger because, we tend to analyse and understand, what other person actually is, how I am gonna gel with him, It portrays a clearer picture of u and him. "
  
  True, if both of them are capable of analysing and understanding, in which case I don't think they will fight much. But does a better understanding of the other person always lead to better intimacy? Isn't it always the better understanding that wakes us up from infatuations?
  
  
• From: fridge (@ netcache7.is.co.za) on: Fri Feb 7 02:40:22
  
  Ha Ha what a Joke, Okay TamilNatan, I stand corrected, I thought that you where talking about something else there.
  
  Shekhar
  Emotional Bank account, great analogy,
  I agree totaly, I think a relationship and "" love"" needs to grow like everything else and if you neglect it or feed it with poisen it will die, or stunt its growth or cripple it in a way,
  A poisonous word can still fester and cripple a relationship years after it was said so why say it in the first place.
  
  
• From: TamilNattan (@ cvg-65-27-251-73.cinci.rr.com) on: Fri Feb 7 08:39:50
  
  Fridge !
  
  A kuRaL about the poisonous word hurting many years after it was said.
  
  'theeyinaaal sutta puN uLLaaRum
  aaRaadhE naavinaal sutta vadu".
  
  Shakti, or kumar may translate.
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Fri Feb 7 13:56:48
  
  'theeyinaaal sutta puN uLLaaRum
  aaRaadhE naavinaal sutta vadu".
  <<<<<<<<<
  
  the wound which is caused by fire, ..
  would heal inside...but the scars caused by tongue lashing, (harsh words) would never heal.
  
  note how beautifully thiruvalluvar says the diff
  
  fire...causess wound
  words..causes..scars (not wound)
  
  
• From: Misty (@ ) on: Fri Feb 6 04:30:52
  
  People, I am at the point of breaking up with my man because of fighting. the frequency is once a week, which to me is highly excessive. because of our passion for each other the fights are intensely hurtful, creating super-lows. this is unhealthy, far too frequent and not worth it. he has a very quick temper, yells me down, instilling fear. So i am outta there.
  
  Does anyone have an idea what frequency is like, "normal?" according to relationship 'experts'? why should it have to be this HARD to have peace for a month or so!!!
  
  
• From: Hope (@ 69-162-24-223.stcgpa.adelphia.net) on: Tue Apr 20 20:52:25
  
  I do not have much of a response but a question i do!
  When me and my boyfriend fights it is usually over stupid stuff but the thing i don't understand is it ALWAYS! gets way out of hand! See i try to tell warn him that when he keeps going on and on and says really mean and hateful things to be quiet or to leave me alone but it goes to a another point higher and he gives me ultimatiums all the time b/c he ain't gettin his own way...! Everyone has bad qualities that they can't always help, right? I know that jealousy is not the best thing for a relationship but i just don't understand y i am so jealous. It is not bad but still... that is what he hates the most and he tends to wonder his eyes alot and say it is him being curious... i bet that is me going a bit over board but everytime i would look at him when we are in a public place he would be looking somewhere and when i would try to look at what he is looking at the only thing in that direction is usually a girl... see i am new at this relationship stuff cuz i have never been in love or in ne kind of serious relationship. so i don't know how to handle things and i don't always like to learn from my parents cuz my mom has bad temper and gets carried away... see what i am goin thru is more like Misty's case? alot actually! please help?
  
  
• From: K.t. (@ pool-151-196-38-176.balt.east.verizon.net) on: Wed Jun 2 17:26:35
  
  I think fights are not worth it because if u fight over something so stupid your gonna wind up regreating it. i did. Me and my boyfriend were fighting b/c i thought he was cheating on me w my best friend. that night when he came home i yelled at him and he stormed out. noone could find him that morning.i was all shooking up. until he saw me in the hall and told me that he loved me so much that he would not cheat on me w anyone.
  
  
• From: K.t. (@ pool-151-196-38-176.balt.east.verizon.net) on: Wed Jun 2 17:26:44
  
  I think fights are not worth it because if u fight over something so stupid your gonna wind up regreating it. i did. Me and my boyfriend were fighting b/c i thought he was cheating on me w my best friend. that night when he came home i yelled at him and he stormed out. noone could find him that morning.i was all shooking up. until he saw me in the hall and told me that he loved me so much that he would not cheat on me w anyone.
  
  

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