Topic started by Chinna Thambi (@ 12-248-43-172.client.attbi.com) on Tue Jul 23 20:56:09 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

When people are happily discussing whether to marry or not marry, I want to ask all of you what exactly is marriage?

Is this tying a knot or exchanging rings & saying "I do" or something different?

What does all religions or cultures say about this practice?

How will you determine that a person you meet or selected by your parents is the right one?

:-)

Responses:

• From: Periyaar Dasan (@ 12-248-43-172.client.attbi.com) on: Tue Jul 23 22:06:52
  
  Marriage is a human-made contract subject to conditions. These conditions are influenced by ones culture & religion . If one or more conditions is broken then the contract may become void.
  
  There is no difference between love (!) marriage and arranged marriage as both are subject to conditions.
  
  :-)
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ bangdp-36-211.mantraonline.com) on: Wed Jul 24 01:26:52
  
  I agree with periyaar dasan's view
  
  
• From: fridge (@ netcache6.is.co.za) on: Wed Jul 24 03:47:56
  
  Chinna Thambi
  
  Thank you for posting this thread.
  Periyaar Dasaan's post makes sense.
  I think that life was easy in days where your husband or wife was chosen, one knew exactly what to to and you got on with it, husbands and wives took on their roles and played their respective parts as set out by their cultures, religion and community.
  The problem I find is when you have the freedom to choose your own spouse, How can you tell, who will make a good husband or wife. Sure there is compatibility and horoscopes etc, but how would you really know that they will be good for you?
  What if in a few years time you grow in diff ways and find that you are not compatible anymore, then what.
  
  I have met some ladies who are so in love that they forgive their spouses for whatever wrong they do and will sacrifice so much to be with their guys. Everytime a guy walks all over them, their excuse is "what can I do i am so in love with him sob sob". At first I used to think these girls were total idiots, but now I feel hey it works for them, they have something like a central magnet keeping them focused on making their marriage work. This type of situation will not work for me.
  
  Do you think we are looking for impossible stuff?
  Maybe we read too many books that end with happily ever after.
  Maybe Tamil movies very seldom show the real life stuff, :-)
  
  
  
• From: ec (@ bryant.rz-berlin.mpg.de) on: Wed Jul 24 05:05:29
  
  Periyaar Daasan, very well said! Be it love or arranged marriage, mostly it is a pledge which one tries to keep despite of the hardships in doing so!
  
  
• From: Raghu (@ 217.158.120.226) on: Wed Jul 24 09:30:42
  
  Periyar darsan;
  
  well said, neengha engeyo pooteengha :))
  
  vatta
  
  
• From: :) Punnahai (@ d221-216-99.systems.cogeco.net) on: Wed Jul 24 10:20:51
  
  >>Be it love or arranged marriage, mostly it is a pledge which one tries to keep despite of the hardships in doing so!<<
  
  EC:
  Well said.
  
  No pledge, no go. That is the key. Since no one is perfect, there will always be disappointments. Life is full of compromises, but as long as compromises are from both parties things would work out.
  
  Fridge:
  
  >>This type of situation will not work for me. <<
  
  Fridge, what goes on between couples is quite unfathomable from the outside. Your friends are crying yet loving the guys, what you are hearing is the guys' faults, but you don't know the girls's faults cos they would never tell you that. As outsiders, we will only hear one side of that story, even that would be the narrator's view at that point in time of what occurred. A year later the story may sound different! This is why it is not good to meddle in a couple's affairs because we will be meddling with partial vision :)
  
  
  
• From: fridge (@ netcache6.is.co.za) on: Wed Jul 24 10:51:14
  
  Punnahai
  
  Thank you for your responses. I agree that one seldom hears both sides of the story and in most cases it takes two to tango. Don't worry I do not meddle with couples affairs, although I have told one girl that I thought she was an idiot, she knows it, she agreed with me but "she is in love"
  
  "mostly it is a pledge which one tries to keep despite of the hardships in doing so!"
  Nice.
  
  "Life is full of compromises, but as long as compromises are from both parties things would work out."
  I agree, it makes sense.
  
  When looking for a husband who already has these qualities, what does one look out for?
  How do you know who can compromise and who can stick it out in hard times. I personaly do not want to teach a husband that these are important issues in life, that is a waste of my time.
  
  
• From: visu (@ 202.9.183.214) on: Wed Jul 24 12:32:12
  
  u r asking to describe about potassium cyanide taste ( or how to swim without jumping into water). unless u taste (jump in)it, u may not know. after u experience, there is no need for question or answer.
  
  
• From: Periyaar Dasan (@ 12-248-43-172.client.attbi.com) on: Wed Jul 24 23:49:22
  
  Life is full of compromises, but as long as compromises are from both parties things would work out.
  
  If someone is ready for compromises then any person is the right person for him/her.
  
  :-)
  
  
• From: Eee Vee Ram Sami (@ 12-248-43-172.client.attbi.com) on: Thu Jul 25 00:24:14
  
  Some of you might be wondering why I married a young girl at my old age. Well, you have to wait till you find the right person and I found that person when I was old.
  
  :-)
  
  
• From: Mu Ka Karun Nithi (@ 12-248-43-172.client.attbi.com) on: Thu Jul 25 00:31:50
  
  China Thambi,
  
  How will you determine that a person you meet or selected by your parents is the right one?
  
  I never had this problem. My wives are selected by myself & well as my parents.
  
  Fridge,
  
  When looking for a husband who already has these qualities, what does one look out for?
  
  Next to money & power, I think physical attraction is an important factor.
  
  Nandri Vanakkam.
  
  
• From: Selvi J J Ammal (@ 12-248-43-172.client.attbi.com) on: Thu Jul 25 00:40:11
  
  Hey All,
  
  I married many persons in movies but it real life I didn't have a chance. But based on my movie experience I can say marriage is nothing but tying a knot.
  
  One of my main hobby is conducting marriages that too in thousands. This world will never forget my (adopted) son's marriage.
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.84) on: Thu Jul 25 00:46:48
  
  Hi,
  
  ***mostly it is a pledge which one tries to keep despite of the hardships in doing so!"
  Nice.***
  
  I don't know what kind of relationship you all are envisaging in marriage. A pledge, a promise to bind a relationship ??!!! Well, it is one's choice. As far I am cocerned, I don't want my wife to stay with me as a matter of duty, but for love. If she cannot love me anymore, She should throw towel on my face and walk out. I would respect her more for it. I would rather somebody break a promise made to me rather than keeping it without putting his/her heart. If I didn't love my wife and still kept a pretense of reationship, I would be dishonest with myself and with her.
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.84) on: Thu Jul 25 00:51:30
  
  Hi fridge,
  
  ***I personaly do not want to teach a husband that these are important issues in life, that is a waste of my time.***
  
  Now you are talking!!! You have the greatest wisdom of all wives in this world!!!!
  
  
• From: periyar pitthan??? (@ 210.18.90.1.sify.net) on: Tue May 11 05:19:12
  
  U know what periyar said about marriage.? He said that man & woman should live together (bea childer, if they wish) & then if they do not get along, part ways. No rings, thali etc. Just like animals.
  
  What a revolutionary thought! Mr.Periyar dasan, your views please. i ask this Q because, for periyar followers, his word is doctrine. They will criticise followers of Gods (only Hindu) for chanting God's name, but they will come together in periaya thidal & sing periyar's praises. Am I right, periyar dasan?
  
  Coming back to the point, your views on mariage as given by your gurunathar "thanthai (for whom?)periyar.
  
  
• From: Star (@ dial0-394.dialin.uic.edu) on: Wed May 12 00:10:02 EDT 2004
  
  The purpose of marriage is to produce children. Of course it is good for the man and woman (husband and wife) to love each other, as this will bring greater prosperity to all in the family, but the basic purpose remains: to produce children.
  
  
• From: fridge (@ 62.80.60.241) on: Wed May 12 16:26:29 EDT 2004
  
  My post marriage comment.
  
  During our pre-marriage councilling I heard something interesting, 'marriage can mean your freedom',
  So Marriage can become a safe sanctuary for either party to be themselves, when you begin to know yourself you can set goals, if you want to better yourself, then you can do so in the safety and security of a marriage.
  The husband or wife can support you but only you are responsible for self change or development in yourself.
  
  
  
• From: ukw (@ 128.252.181.24) on: Wed May 12 19:59:19 EDT 2004
  
  *The purpose of marriage is to produce children.*
  
  Star: I am just curious...
  
  Are you a Mr. Kamalhasan fan or what??????
  
  You seem to justify Mr. Kamalahaasan's divorce with Vani Ganapathy for not producing children followed by his second marriage with Sarika (after making sure that she got pregnant) just for producing children.
  
  Poor Vani did not know that marriage is not just for producing kids. How stupid of her?! ;-(
  
  Poor Sarika did not know that once she produced children, she would not be needed any more. How stupid of her?! ;-(
  
  At least we have got one good evidence to prove your statement.
  
  Thanks for enlightening me about marriage. Thanks to KH for being a wonderful example to prove what is marriage is all about.
  
  
• From: ukw (@ 128.252.181.24) on: Wed May 12 20:00:59 EDT 2004
  
  **Poor Vani did not know that marriage is not just for producing kids. How stupid of her?! ;-( *
  
  
  Should read as
  
  Poor Vani did not know that marriage is just for producing kids. How stupid of her?! ;-(
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Thu May 13 03:02:35 EDT 2004
  
  HEY STAR,
  
  I know i am not gonna be posting regularly for another sometime, so whatever u say, I WONT REPLY BACK UNTIL I AM BACK....BUT NEVERTHELESS....
  
  "The purpose of marriage is to produce children."<<<<<
  
  I HAVE NEVER EVER READ ANY COMMENT SO GROSS, FOOLISH, MALE CHAUVANISTIC, RUBBISH AND UTTER NONSENSE.
  
  Sorry to be rude, BUT THAT COMMENT JUST THREW ME OFF-GUARD!!!!
  
  So the whole purpose of marriage is to procreate?
  Then What is the difference between the six sensed human beings and animals who procreate too?
  
  Btw, FOR U GIVE AN OPINION, MARRIAGE IS ALMOST LIKE A LEGAL LICENSE TO PROCREATE .
  
  Sorry marriage is much more.
  
  A MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE, CARE AND HUMANE FEELINGS IS EQUAL TO ZERO.
  
  No intention to hurt, but plz plz plz dont repeat such a chauvanistic comment again.
  
  thx,
  regards,
  Shakthi
  
  
• From: SAKTI SINGH (@ dialpool-210-214-179-147.maa.sify.net) on: Wed May 19 18:21:11 EDT 2004
  
  
  HAR RAAT APNE BIBI KO CHODNA HI SAADHI KA NAAM HAI.
  APNE BIBI KO CHODKE BAHUT ANAND MILTA HAI. "APNE BIBI KO HAR RAAT CHOD CHODNA AUR USKI MITHI SINE KI DUDH KO PINA CHAHIYE".
  PATNIYA HAR RAAT OH APNE PATI KE SATH SOTA HAI, PATI KE SATH CHODTA HAI AUR ZINDAGI KE MAZA LUTTA HAI .
  
  
• From: open minds ppl (@ ac8da6fe.ipt.aol.com) on: Wed May 19 19:53:08 EDT 2004
  
  If the purpose of marriage is to have children, according to some in this thread, then why are there many people who don't have children and have pets? (common in Canada and the US, I don't know about anywhere else...)
  
  
• From: open minds ppl (@ ac8da6fe.ipt.aol.com) on: Wed May 19 19:54:12 EDT 2004
  
  *in terms of many people, I mean married couples
  
  
• From: Star (@ host52.hostcentric.com) on: Thu May 20 03:06:59 EDT 2004
  
  Shakthi Priya,
  
  I was speaking from my biomedical background. The reproductive organs, so to speak, are specialized composites of cells and tissues which are themselves specialized. This specialization is, of course, the result of evolution. When it comes to such things as "LOVE, CARE AND HUMANE FEELINGS," nature, unfortunately, is entirely indifferent. We are "human" only on the "outside." Inside we are biological machines.
  
  
• From: Star (@ host52.hostcentric.com) on: Thu May 20 03:10:46 EDT 2004
  
  It is impossible to make a full distinction between the "inside" and the "outside." Science has shown the "inside" has a greater impact on the "outside" (personality) than the external environment. This is borne out by studies of identical twins raised apart.
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.188) on: Thu May 27 00:59:10 EDT 2004
  
  Hi fridge,
  
  From: fridge (@ 62.80.60.241) on: Wed May 12 16:26:29 EDT 2004
  
  Is it really you, or somebody else is posting in your name. (because IP address is different) If it is really you, then where have you been all these days!!! WELCOME BACK! Some old friends are still here! Check 'Ulgam enbadhu' thread.
  
  

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