Topic started by rita (@ brf-cache11.jaring.my) on Tue Oct 15 08:38:13 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

hi there.

I am a 22 year old girl and I am facing a very big problem. It has been 1 1/2 years since I broke up with my ex boyfriend. I have over came him. The problem is, I am living with a very big guilt in my heart. When we were together, we did a couple of oral sex. It was actually my first relationship with a guy.
I was so foolish to give in to him because i thought it will spoil my relationship if i dont give in to him.
But, i am still a virgin cause i never had sex with him. He wanted that, but I think i was smart enough not to let him get it.

But, i feel so guilty and I am also scared to face my future. I dont know what to do. Please advice me. Please.

Responses:

• Old responses
  
• From: alsgf (@ 169.199.224.1) on: Mon Mar 8 15:04:34 EST 2004
  
  ///i would never want someone so unexperiences as you///
  That's u though, u and rita all belong to the same catagory. SLU*S
  
  
• From: alskjf (@ 169.199.224.1) on: Mon Mar 8 15:05:05 EST 2004
  
  Well unless ur born in a different culture other than hinduism i guess its different.
  
  
• From: lsadfj (@ 169.199.224.1) on: Mon Mar 8 15:05:26 EST 2004
  
  correction: indian.
  
  
• From: Devdas Kusum (@ 202.88.181.233) on: Thu Mar 18 07:37:17 EST 2004
  
  Were REKHA & RAKESH ROSHAN mere puppets in the hands of DESTINY? — Devdas “Kusum”
  ------------------------------
  25th March, 1981 a real life incident at the shooting of “MADHURI” the FILM
  ------------------------------
  A Reaction of a Journalist friend.....
  Compelling a renowned & famous Journalist and Press Photographer Devdas “Kusum” known for his friendly heartwarming behaviour towards one and all to literally kill his professional self by Rekha - the Actress of Film “MADHURI” supported by the then upcoming Actor, Rakesh Roshan. http://www.KUSUM.com
  ------------------------------
  But, my inner self still insists that it was " DESTINY " and that REKHA & RAKESH ROSHAN were mere puppets in its hands.
  ------------------------------
  
  It was my peak time then.....
  
  Nationally, Internationally my written Articles & Photographs were being published regularly in every known publication in every language.
  
  PRO of Film “MADHURI” invited me to shoot the film stars Rekha and Rakesh Roshan at Madh Island, Mumbai, INDIA and He came along with me in my car to the location.
  
  Earlier on various different locations and at different dates, days and times I had shot Photographs of Rekha. Quite a few of them had already appeared with credit to me in reputed publications of that time.
  
  I was visualizing inside as to how best I would bring her out in Photographs at that location.
  
  Continuously for many hours I had clicked lot of Photographs of Rekha and Rakesh Roshan. We also had lunch together during break time, when all of a sudden....
  
  Rekha mysteriously changed her mood called me in front of all those present angrily and said “DEVDAS!, GIVE ME THE COLOUR ROLL FROM YOUR CAMERA NOW...”
  
  Shocked the people present around a few of them regular and permanent staff of the Film Industry, tried to pacify Rekha to continue the shooting but she became adamant and stopped all activities.
  
  Watching this Raakesh Roshan came to me, put his hand on my shoulder taking me aside in a corner pleaded, “Devdas, my future is at stake. I have two more films coming up with Rekha which could make my career. I do not have any other assignments with any other top heroine. If she is displeased my future ends here.”
  
  Hearing Rakesh Roshan I simply opened my Camera handed over the Colour Roll to him without uttering any word. He gave it to Rekha who seemed to derive immense sadiastic pleasure in throwing my hard work into the Madh River waters.
  
  Seeing all this all people around said lot of nasty things about Rekha..
  
  But my mind reminded me that it was all “DESTINED” AND that REKHA & RAKESH ROSHAN were pre-assigned by its hands.
  
  Although I accepted all this as part and parcel of life, yet this did not bring any comfort to my mind. I felt horribly depressed.
  
  In that depressed state of my mind while driving back home, I threw my expensive Camera and Accessories to the Madh River (Sea) as well and walked out completely robbed of everything.
  
  That depressed state of mind created a blank mental state of mind in me making me completely aloof from all kinds of work, creativity and activity. Besides forcing me to keep away from even known friends and relations.
  
  The then famous publications including “MAYAPURI”, “SHAMA”, “SUSHMA”, “FILM FARE”, “FREE PRESS JOURNAL”, “CHITRALOK”, “CHITRAPAT” AND various other renowened magazines, journals had carried the news of this incident at the shooting of film “MADHURI” and had expressed “REGRET” at the unprofessional conduct of Rekha.
  
  “MADHURI” a Times of India publication’s, Editor-in-chief, Shri Vinod Tiwari had written me an unforgettable as well as a unique letter on 30th March, 1981 about this incident at the film “MADHURI’s shooting... anyway........
  
  I have many more mails from the bigwigs of the Film Industry & Journalism than besides cuttings of various known publications that had mentioned this “MADHURI” incident on prominent pages.
  
  I am 66 years old (Born on 3rd February,1938) and my only “Treasure” today is “My work”. The results of continuous releases of my Photographs, Articles in all National and International publications in English and all regional languages that I cherish and hold as my “Lifetime Memories” !
  
  Incidentally my first article appeared when I was just “12 years” old. After which I did not look back to become a renowned Journalist & Press Photographer marching forward in full gear, happiness, success and support but the incident of 25th March, 1981 put full brakes to it and ended it all unceremoniuously.
  
  After this “Unforgettable Harrowing Incident” I have lived a Lonely Depressed Listless, Eventless, Aimless, life for years lost and forgotton. My creativity, activity, dreams, aspiritions, inspirations spread as ashes on the path I tread today.
  
  Great Shree Amitabh Bachhan Ji had cared and looked after Respectable Shree Harivansh Rai Bachhan Ji, for years helping him tide over his day to day living. Similarly my children have continuously cared and looked after me helping me tide over my day to day problems, helping me retain my Sanity, my Entity.
  Keeping Devdas “Kusum” alive for the world. Waiting for the day when their father will once again be in the limelight of the World of Journalism and Press Photography. (http://www.KUSUM.com)
  
  While accepting “FILMFARE” Awards for the first time in his career Rakesh Roshan had said with a heavy heart that, “Bhagwan ke Ghar Der hai, Par Andher Nahin”.
  
  Will God look at me.......?
  
  Please enlighten me, guide me, show me the way, I should travel to reach the same glory, name, fame, prosperity and popularity that I lost.
  
  I am strong. I have immense will power and energy to do my work in my own creative way but being unguided, unsuportted, lonely and alone I seek your kind co-operation.
  
  Will you please come forward and Guide me?
  
  With Humble Greetings -- Devdas “Kusum”
  
  --------------------------
  JYOTHI VENKATESH
  (Famous Journalist & My Dearest Old Friend)
  Found out about my isolated living and tried to personally meet me at my Chembur residence at three different dates and times (and knowingly on my cell phone I used to say that I am out or not at home to receive him) as I still do not know how to accept past relationships.
  
  However gaining some confidence, I emailed him in Hindi language my present state of mind on 10th February, 2004 to which he immediately responded warmly in same Hindi language as follows:-
  
  Hi Devdas
  Rakesh Roshan ki jiwan ko roshni dete dete apne jeevan andhere mein dalne wali kahani padkar mujhe dukh huwa.
  Belated happy birthday to you.
  Kya isiliye mujhe pehle bataya nahin kyonki main party maangoonga? Ab teen baar hum milneka plan karneke bawajood meri taraf se nahi balke aap ki taraf se cancel kar diye gaye the -- Jyothi Venkatesh
  
  --------------------------
  DEVDAS “KUSUM”
  Editor & Publisher : http://www.KUSUM.com http://www.PressMatter.com
  P.O. Box 8828, Mumbai - 400074,
  India
  Email : Devdas@INDIA.com Cc : PressMatter@HotMail.com
  Tel : 2553 7171 / 2553 28 61 Mobile : 91 98211 30305
  
  
• From: www.rinesh.htmlplanet.com (@ 213.42.2.26) on: Sat Mar 27 04:27:20 EST 2004
  
  NOTHING IS GOOD OR BAD ,THINKING MAKE IT SO!!!
  AM I RIGHT?
  
  
• From: Surya (@ cache-ntc-ad02.proxy.aol.com) on: Sat Mar 27 22:58:51 EST 2004
  
  I know i wouldn't want to marry a girl who has done this. And i'm sure that most males feel the same way. ITs a tough situation. if she does tell him, he most probably will not accept her, if she doesn't then like sweetie said, she can't live happily. SO i don't know. but i know that i would not accept a girl who has done this. no offence.
  
  
• From: Laila (@ 203.197.151.227) on: Fri Apr 2 03:45:44 EST 2004
  
  I am a 40 years old woman from kerala married. Would like to build e-friendship with males who are older than me. my e-mail is hotpussycat696@hotmail.com . Is there anyone interested?
  
  
• From: observer (@ ncache1.ford.com) on: Fri Apr 2 16:07:52 EST 2004
  
  Hi Rita,
  
  I read all the above messages and your problem.
  I am a guy who went thru a similar trauma like you.
  
  I had a girl friend whom I loved and I knew she had various relnships and love affairs with other males. when they all rejected her after flirting with her, she came to me thinking that since I love her, she might settle and be happy with me.
  
  I accepted her and one day just brought up the topic. She did not know that I know all her past.
  when confronted, she agreed and told me everything.
  I still accepted her, but the thought that she did flirt with other males still haunt me everyday.
  I love her but still have the negative feeling with her.
  
  So My suggestion is : Men are typically like that. Its a fact. Even though they say that they are big hearted, no one can accept that their wife was with someone else. Indian men simply cannot digest. whether it 1800 or 2004, men dont change. Dont take me wrong but I would suggest NOT to tell him just to relieve u r guilt. that will spoil your relnship with your husband.
  he can never come 100% close to you.
  Just my thoughts and from my experience.
  
  Wishing you a happy Life
  
  Regards
  Observer
  
  
• From: nila (@ 192.146.136.129) on: Sat Apr 3 22:41:03 EST 2004
  
  Observer,
  
  your story is quite sad. you say you cannot still digest the fact your gulfriend has many affairs. does it mean you never had a affair and you are like a totally pure person? or have you had affirs too?
  
  personally i had a similar experience that happened like 4 years back.my ex and I planned to get married when we both were 26 after we had finished our studies.
  
  In the start he told me he was a virgin, but along the way all his stories came out.He was 19 at that time but alreay he had 9 girlfriends-1.danish 2.danish3.danish 4russian 5.polish 6.danish7.latvian8.danish9.danish[and had sex with most of them too].
  
  I further got to know the exact things he had done with them and i just couldnt handle it[at that time i believed in the no-sex before marrage carp].It really started to eat me out but i couldnt leave him them coz we were really in love.
  
  The most shocking part is that after he had done all this he would control my social life and would make me feel guilty if i had any fun.I was " told" not to go out with my guy friends,go clubbing, drinking or partying[he used to call me in the nights to cheak on me]
  
  Anyway we met eachother again and we spent the whole time fighting and arguing.And the biggest wrong i had done - getting kissed in my neck by some guy in a club, sleeping next to my african friend after all of us had gone clubbing:)were thrown in my face on countless occations.And the biggest joke is that i had never even kissed any of them when this big slut had fuc*ed 8 girls.In the end we broke up and now we hate each other.
  
  So my advise is - rita dont feel guilty. I am sure like most asian guys your would be husband wouldve had loads of sex thus whatyou did is nothing compared to what he wouldve done. Best thing is ask him how much sex he has had and tell him your story too. But if he say " i never had sex and lies, you tell him : i never had sex- and lie too". I will further advise you to ask for a HIV test before getting married.if i were you i wont trust any indian men.
  
  
• From: venkat (@ 61.11.79.187) on: Mon Apr 5 11:31:57 EDT 2004
  
  plz mail me aalavandan27@yahoo.com or aalavandan27@yahoo.co.in which is active,i wanna give personal advice ,take care
  
  
• From: selvatore (@ klg-40-157.tm.net.my) on: Wed Apr 7 12:30:24 EDT 2004
  
  Guilt is something you have brought onto yourself. Take the 'I' away from the equation and you will realise that particular importance fades.
  Do not fret over incidences that you had no control over. Live life in the present for now for only 'now' exists. Should you choose to bring 'I' into the matter, maybe you want to live for others and in the past and future......should you really???
  Take care
  
  
• From: rakesh (@ 203.101.33.37) on: Thu Apr 8 06:06:29 EDT 2004
  
  hey rita,
  
  everybody has experiances like this before marriage, they make these mistakes beocs of thier age and innocances, my only advice is dont ever hide all these things to your husband,okay be frank with him and tell him, that i will be a good wife for him,he will surely love you
  bye
  
  

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