Topic started by show courage (@ wc09.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com) on Sun Feb 22 11:49:01 EST 2004.
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

I think that ppl who run away or committ suicide in the name of love are cowards!! Damn it if you're going to risk everything by falling in love with some1 why not do the honourable thing and tell your parents with the same courage that you had when you decided to love the person!!! People fall in love sooo easily and when push comes to shove they chicken out, ppl like that shouldn't even think about love marriage.
Besides, running away and suicide make your parents only look worse, why don't they think of such things, lovers are selfish in that they only think about their happiness.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to love marriage I just believe that you should be brave and stand up to your parents and tell them THIS is the person I want to marry and I need your support!!!!!!

Responses:

• From: Alpha- Romeo (@ 203.195.208.26) on: Sun Feb 22 12:10:48 EST 2004
  
  Your Match will end at the score of LOVE ALL.!!!!
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ pool-68-236-13-66.phil.east.verizon.net) on: Sun Feb 22 12:13:24 EST 2004
  
  First of all, you are a bit too strong on the bashing of elopers. What happens when you bravely tell your parents and they try to sabotage it as much as possible, from the "we will rather commit suicide" line to "you are not stepping out of the threshold" type of threatenting ?? Some of the concerns of parents are genuine but sometimes they are too adamant on their view of things and refuse to change for their children's sakes.
  In such circumstances, it is only rational for the couple inolved to run away and validate their relationship.
  But I do agree with the view that one should forthrighty tell his or her parents about their love before doing anything drastic.
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ pool-68-236-13-66.phil.east.verizon.net) on: Sun Feb 22 12:15:07 EST 2004
  
  First of all, you are a bit too strong on the bashing of elopers. What happens when you bravely tell your parents and they try to sabotage it as much as possible, from the "we will rather commit suicide" line to "you are not stepping out of the threshold" type of threatenting ?? Some of the concerns of parents are genuine but sometimes they are too adamant on their view of things and refuse to change for their children's sakes.
  In such circumstances, it is only rational for the couple inolved to run away and validate their relationship.
  But I do agree with the view that one should forthrighty tell his or her parents about their love before doing anything drastic.
  
  
• From: show courage (@ wc09.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com) on: Mon Feb 23 21:00:38 EST 2004
  
  I don't mean to bash elopers!!! I think that sometimes we should stop to consider why our parents are saying no, what if the person is a scumbag and you are blinded by ur infactuation, what then??? they are only trying to protect you!!!
  
  But I do agree that eloping is necessary if that person is a wonderful human being and the reasons for the parents' objection is some trivial thing as caste, status or religious differences or other.
  
  
• From: a.ratchasi (@ 202.188.224.20) on: Tue Feb 24 03:59:44 EST 2004
  
  The mentally strong wont elope
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.176) on: Tue Feb 24 07:58:04 EST 2004
  
  You are all fools!!
  
  The mentally strong won't marry at all!!! :)
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Tue Feb 24 09:56:45 EST 2004
  
  lol @ shekhar
  
  
  
• From: ukw (@ 128.252.181.24) on: Tue Feb 24 11:48:12 EST 2004
  
  
  
  *The mentally strong won't marry at all!!! :)
  
  You are all fools!!*
  
  Sekhar:
  
  Dont u think that it should read, *WE are all fools, rather*? I KNOW u r married from the *great philosophy* comes out of your mind very often.
  :-)
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ debonair.is.temple.edu) on: Tue Feb 24 23:17:08 EST 2004
  
  Hi everyone! Got a question for you all. I am a married woman (love marriage, eloped, later parents reconciled, etc). Could have easily made that out from my previous post here :-)
  
  Well, right now, my situation is that a member of our family, someone I consider a little sister to me is in love with a guy who in my opinion is NOT someone I would want her to marry. I mean, she is well accomplished and successful but this guy has nothing much to speak of and does not possess any qualities that make him a good match for her. And he seems like a person with no appreciation for literary art forms, which is terrible because she writes beautiful kavidhaigaL. All these factors perplex me but so far I have not voiced my concerns with my cousin. I am very much afraid that she might misconstrue my intentions as hypocritical if I were to say some thing. I don't want to seem like I have double standards when it comes to matters of the heart. She likes me a lot and trusts me completely and I am the only confidante in this whole affair.
  
  Should I just unconditionally support her or let her know that I am not so sure of the prospects of this relationship?
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.136) on: Tue Feb 24 23:41:59 EST 2004
  
  phdgirl,
  
  **someone I consider a little sister to me is in love with a guy who in my opinion is NOT someone I would want her to marry**
  ##Should I just unconditionally support her or let her know that I am not so sure of the prospects of this relationship?##
  
  In matters of love and relationship, opinions and advises have usually no impact, because love makes them blind to the other person's flaws. And should be so, because it is their life, their judgment, and their decision.
  Why do you want to impose your judgment on her? Do you have any right to do so?
  Would you have refused to marry your husband if somebody had advised against it? (Would have been better for him though!! Poor guy..!!)
  Give your opinion ONLY if she asks you. Or else let her lead her life.
  Btw, I wonder what you are PhD in!! Is it Foreign Affairs??!! :)
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.136) on: Tue Feb 24 23:50:25 EST 2004
  
  ukw,
  **Dont u think that it should read, *WE are all fools, rather*? **
  
  No, no, I was a fool and got married. But now I am wise having gained my wisdom through experience!!! My bodhi tree was the couch out side my bed room!!
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ debonair.is.temple.edu) on: Tue Feb 24 23:51:14 EST 2004
  
  Let me first clarify what I said before. I am not trying change her mind about this. I am confused about if I should be honest with her about my thougts. I believe that she is a strong, assertive person and would have her way regardless of what I think about it.
  
  Shekhar,are you trying to be funny with you little comments and stuff ? So juvenile !!! Anyway thanks for your opinion.
  
  
• From: Shekhar (@ 61.1.142.152) on: Wed Feb 25 02:54:43 EST 2004
  
  Juvenile?!! Lady, I am the wisest guy around.
  Learn to laugh and take a joke. Life will be much more enjoyable.
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ pool-68-236-20-105.phil.east.verizon.net) on: Wed Feb 25 15:55:34 EST 2004
  
  Wisest guy or wise guy ?!!
  
  
• From: show courage (@ wc09.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com) on: Thu Feb 26 11:31:59 EST 2004
  
  phdgirl, contrary to what the others have said, I believe that you should voice your concern. She will no doubt be mad at you but if you truly consider her your sister you owe it to her to be honest. Share your concern but also tell her that whatever she decides to do, she has your support. That you won't stand in the way but as a relative you had to say something. If she respects you she might even welcome the advise, don't be upset when she gets mad, be kind and patient.
  Good Luck!!
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ pool-68-163-31-95.phil.east.verizon.net) on: Thu Feb 26 19:47:03 EST 2004
  
  Thank you show courage !
  
  
• From: ukw (@ 128.252.181.24) on: Thu Feb 26 19:53:07 EST 2004
  
  *Got a question for you all.*
  
  If she is really smart as you claim, she would have already figured out what you really think of him. I could see that he flunked so badly in your judgment. It is really unfortunate for him. I would talk about the +es and -es to her if and only if she asked my opinion and leave to her to to decide, after all it is her life. I would certainly ask her to dump him if I know it for sure that he is a liar and closed-minded moron.
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ pool-68-163-31-95.phil.east.verizon.net) on: Thu Feb 26 20:32:12 EST 2004
  
  Thanks ukw. But this girl is, I guess, blinded by love !! She does understand that he has a lot to work on but she is totally defending her choice (even before I could question it). Let's see what happens..
  
  
• From: SC (show courage) (@ wc09.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com) on: Thu Feb 26 22:23:06 EST 2004
  
  To phdgirl,
  
  It seems like ur in a very delicate position, don't make your move now unless you see a window of opportunity but try not to wait too long. It might be tooo late.
  
  
• From: Alpha- Romeo (@ 203.195.208.26) on: Thu Feb 26 23:44:27 EST 2004
  
  Running away together
  Hiding from every stranger..... Angelo
  
  They knew it wasn't wrong,
  They fell in Love so strong.....ABBA
  
  
• From: suresh (@ 61.95.227.151) on: Fri Feb 27 06:19:40 EST 2004
  
  :-)
  
  phdgirl,
  
  // a guy who in my opinion is NOT someone I would want her to marry //
  
  - pls dont get wild on me... what does it matter, what YOUR opinion is on him?
  
  // this guy has nothing much to speak of and does not possess any qualities that make him //
  
  - is this too your opinion, or you have made it clear with all evidence and proof... if yes, just establish the evidence to your sister, else, make yourself clear initially... that is all...
  
  // he seems like a person with no appreciation for literary art forms //
  
  - do you think only people who appreciate literary arts should love or marry...? i am sorry, i think you have much to work on THAT GUY... people who are not artisitc, CAN be a good husbands. an artisitic guy too can be a pervert.
  
  phdgirl,
  
  i think you may be on a wrong perception with THAT GUY and would recommend you to get that through.
  
  :-)
  
  
  
• From: phdgirl (@ pool-68-236-48-8.phil.east.verizon.net) on: Fri Feb 27 19:00:55 EST 2004
  
  Suresh, I totally agree with your view that my opinion does NOT matter to their love and I may even be wrong about some of my views. But my dilemma is whether to raise my concerns and jeopardize the relationship with her or just unconditionally support her in everything. When I was in that phase (before eloping with the love of my life) there was no one in my family to confide with and I felt that I needed to express my feelings to someone. Now I am able to provide that to my cousin and I take it too seriously, I guess.
  
  
  // he seems like a person with no appreciation for literary art forms //
  
  I guess you did not read the full sentence or you don't speak thamizh. She is a very good poetess in thamizh, popular in thamizh kavingargaL circuit, won kudos from kavippErarasu Vairamuthu, etc. I don't see even a remote compatibility between them there and that's why this is relevant. NO offense meant on non-artistic people.
  
  
• From: jumma (@ ac92af10.ipt.aol.com) on: Fri Mar 5 00:19:51 EST 2004
  
  PhDgirl, an eloper too, on top of being an atheist ! No surprise ! What else have you got in 'surprise' for us staid guys ? Maybe you smoke and drink also ? Fully liberated, eh ?
  
  
• From: Madhu (@ lan-202-144-61-145.maa.sify.net) on: Fri Mar 5 03:19:18 EST 2004
  
  People who run away are committing the worst mistake ever. You definitely need your family's support if anything goes wrong tomorrow. I think many people are influenced by movies where the story ends with the hero and heroine running away. What happens to them after that, is not picturised. The real story begins there. It is not the end, it is the beginning. In Alaigal Oivadhillai, Karthik removes his sacred thread, Radha removes her cross, but what next ? He does not have a job, she is also young. They are shown as school students, if i am not mistaken. In a world where both man and woman are required to earn to make both ends meet (and most of the times ends don't meet), how will they survive without a single penny in their pockets? It is definiely not a happy ending. It is the saddest beginning. Ladies and gentlemen, please understand that reality is something very different and though you may love each other madly, the madness will surely lessen or die an unnatural death in face of harsh reality. Your stomach will take the first place in order of importance. Pasi vandhaal pathum parandhu poi vidum. When there is not a grain of rice at home and you have to work very hard even for a glass of kanji, it is then that both will realise that they have made a mistake. When hungry, the feelings of love will vanish.
  
  Do not run away even if you are having a good job. Even if there is a fight, there will not be anyone to pacify you or cajole you two. You have to do it yourself which may lead to ego clashes and make the crack deeper and deeper till there is a big hold dug between you two, and it will be all the more difficult for both of you to take the first step.
  
  Wait till your parents give their consent. If they do not, do not marry at all. Marriage is not everything in life.
  
  
• From: SC (@ cpe000102491550-cm00003912125c.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) on: Fri Mar 5 13:40:25 EST 2004
  
  Thats a very extreme point of view Madhy but very valid. People, think that running away from your problems will solve them, but that rarely ever does any good. Instead, all you have done is add to your exisiting problem. For those lucky ppl it may actually work. There comes a point in the course of a conflict where you have to face it head on and come up with a solution, why not do it before it spiras out of control, i.e. before you decide to running away, seek out ur parents to convince parents and don't give up until you have. Becaue we all know that bringing home the grandchild will not resolve all the tension between you and your parents.
  
  

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