Adoption?
Topic started by S (@ ppp-219.65.163.133.hyd.vsnl.net.in) on Thu Oct 28 03:53:00 EDT 2004.
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.
Hi,
We are married for about a year and a half. We would like to have our first child adopted and second as ours.
I would like you all to give your views. pros / cons since we dont want to hurry up into any decision as it involves a life...
Thanks.
Responses:
- From: Chandrashekar (@ chrtfw.charteredsemi.com.sg)
on: Thu Oct 28 05:32:58 EDT 2004
I think its a very wise decision to adopt a kid, as it means a good life for an underprevileged child. I appreciate you for this idea.
Please don't have any second thoughts, go ahead...
- From: kav (@ pcp04922094pcs.phnixv01.pa.comcast.net)
on: Thu Oct 28 11:37:44 EDT 2004
you are doing a wonderful thing by adopting a child.
have you guys thought about how to handle the issue of whether and when to tell your child that he/she is adopted. there is a lot of literature available on how to handle this sensitive topic. i suggest that you be as prepared as possible.
Also if you are planning to also have a child of your own, you should be mentally strong to not show any differences or let your family behave even the slightest bit different between the two kids.
Nothing is more generous than giving an underpriviledged kid a home. Anybody with money can give charity but it takes a lot more than money to do this. I wish you all the best.
kavitha
- From: juju (@ adsl-215-214-21.aep.bellsouth.net)
on: Thu Oct 28 14:51:04 EDT 2004
It it certainly a noble thought that you have decided to adopt a child. But you have to think twice before making up your mind.
1. Will you be able to promise yourself that you will treat the child same as your own as long as you live? I think this is the biggest question. 'Cos, if you start showing differences in your behaviour, then you might be making the child's life miserable. part 2 in next post
- From: juju (@ adsl-215-214-21.aep.bellsouth.net)
on: Thu Oct 28 14:51:46 EDT 2004
This also needs a very very broad mind. its very easy to say we can adopt a child but we may have to face a lot after adopting the child.
2. Will the adopted child and your child be told about this when appropriate?
- I think these are the two things about which you need to make your mind up. Having decided that you are going to adopt, have you contemplated on adopting a child after having your child first. This may help. 'cos once you have your own child, you may change your decision and also be in a better position to decide.
- This may sound silly but..... there is a hindi movie called "pyaar ki pyaas". I strongly recommend you to watch it before you take a decision.Bravo to both of you to have such a good thought.
- From: marco placido (@ ca80pr06.ugent.be)
on: Thu Oct 28 16:02:28 EDT 2004
Greetings to all, I'm a adopted(by Italian parents) boy who's living in belgium for 27 years now. I was born in Kerala in a village called Paduapuram. I'm planning to go back to India because feel my heart screaming it to me. I promised myself that i wouldn't go for searching my native parents because I do know nothing of them( they found me somewhere in the bushes or jungle?) I really would like to know/xperience my roots because I have known some people from India and Pakistan(both the same for me) and they told me that they saw some pieces of Kerala in my behavior.But I have a little problem I can't find the place/village/town anywhere on a map. the only thing I know (I think) is that it must be situated in Ernakulam? So now comes the question: Is there someone whocan help me locate this place or give me a hint. I will be thankfull for eternity.This is my e-mail if someone is interested of helping me:mowgli_77@libero.it .
thank you in advance....
- From: S (@ ppp-219.65.162.145.hyd.vsnl.net.in)
on: Thu Oct 28 22:55:53 EDT 2004
Hello Everyone,
Thank you so much for your views. That really helps.
I know that this is a very sensitive issue that is why i want to think and analyse of all the possible things that can go wrong.
If we do adopt, we would like to tell the child the truth at the age where he or she is able to understand whats happening.
as a lady, i get to thinking if it would be better to adopt the second child because then i will know how to take care of the baby ( as i will already have one before then)..but i also get to thinking what if I get partial. So I wonder will it be OK to adopt the first kid and also as a new mom will I be able to take care of it.
Also, I am south Indian, and I am lil bit worried to think about how My parents or my inlaws will react to this.
PLease keep your views coming they. They might help me make up my mind. Thanking you people so much. Suju
- From: Chandrashekar (@ chrtfw.charteredsemi.com.sg)
on: Fri Oct 29 00:14:22 EDT 2004
Hi Suju,
As you were telling he/ she, I would suggest you should go for a girl child, as it would mean more to her safety, security etc.
Regarding whether to adopt first one or the second one, I would suggest you adopt it as your second one. I see many of the second kids are pampered coz of lots of affection showered on them by both the parents and their elder ones...
But here comes another question, what if your first child is a girl, then how can you adopt another girl child???
As I would like you to adopt a girl child, I would suggest you adoopt her as your first one...
Cheers
- From: Jeril (@ ppp18-120.dsl-pun.eth.net)
on: Fri Oct 29 01:21:02 EDT 2004
Go for the first child itself since that was your plan.Go for a girl if you like the idea.I just want to say great decisions come from great hearts.God bless you.
- From: S (@ ppp-219.65.163.150.hyd.vsnl.net.in)
on: Fri Oct 29 03:56:25 EDT 2004
Thank you very much Jeril.
Mr. Chandrashekar. Thanks for your advise as well. its a fair point that lot of love is showered on the second one. We would be probably the most blessed couple if both our kids would be girls. but still there is no prefrence. though we would not like go predecided to chose a baby. I believe that when I see that kid my heart will say this is the baby I want to have to complete my family. be it be a boy or a girl...
Just wondering, Should we think about what my parents or in lwas will say. What if they oppose? Shud we worry about the society coz adoption among young married couples arouse their physical capabilities doubts and lot of questions even if they are perfectly capable of having their own kids.
what shoud be done about that?
- From: Chandrashekar (@ chrtfw.charteredsemi.com.sg)
on: Fri Oct 29 04:25:43 EDT 2004
Your concern about the society and family is genuine.
When someone adopts a child its quite natural for the narrow minded society to think - as they could not have a kid naturally they have gone for adoption. This happened with one of cousin, who after marriage decided to adopt a child, and the immediate response among our relatives were this..
I would tell we need to be prepared for such things. Whenever we do something abnormal anywhere be it in classroom, college, home, temple anywhere, office etc people raise their doubts based on their past experience, available knowledge... Only way to tackle this is: be determined to answer any sort of queries, never get bogged down, never again question your decision "why did I adopt??".
- From: s (@ ppp-219.65.163.222.hyd.vsnl.net.in)
on: Fri Oct 29 05:40:49 EDT 2004
thanks Chandrasekhar,
That did help me ... still the only thing bothering me the most is they attacking us emotionally...they cant think practically and i hate to think emotionally..
anyways ..thanks once again
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