Topic started by Ghilli (@ 69.0.35.30.adsl.snet.net) on Fri Jul 9 21:12:52 EDT 2004.
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.
How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
>Shoot the men who are pushing it.
How do you disable Pakistani missiles ?
>Cut the rubber band.
Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes ?
>Neither has Pakistan.
Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention ?
>The new automatic parachutes. They open on impact.
How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
>Put it in water.
Did you hear about the 747 jet which Crashed into a cemetery in Karachi ?
>The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.
Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who had asked to be buried at sea?
>Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.
Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
>Somebody stole the book.
You're locked in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and a Pakistani. You have a gun with ONLY two bullets.What do you do?
>Shoot the Pakistani twice to make sure he's dead.
What's brown and black and looks great on a Pakistani?
>A Doberman.
How can you tell when a Pakistani is lying?
>His lips are moving.
What do you have when a Pakistani is buried up to his neck in sand?
>Not enough sand.
Did you Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Pakistanis?
>He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
***
A small plane is flying with an american pilot and has three passengers - Atal Bihari, a Paki and a schoolboy with his backpack.
Mid way the plane catches fire and the american says -" Hello, this is ur captain speaking, the plane is on fire. Don't panic because there is good news and bad news. Good news is that there are parachutes but the bad news is that there are only three and iam taking one" so he picks up a parachute and he jumps.
Paki says to ABV and the schoolboy- " I need to bring the joy of jihad to this infidel world. And iam taking this one." so he picks and jumps.
ABV says to the schoolboy - " Allright son, I am old and I did the service for my motherland. U r young and have pletny of life ahead. So why don't u take the other parachute and jump?"
Schoolboy says: " Don't worry Atalji, we still have 2 parachutes. That Paki grabbed my backpack and jumped off."
***
In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Vajpayee and Parwez Musharraf decided to visit each other`s country regularly. The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. Musharraf showed him Pakistan`s modern Tele-communication system. It was so good that Vajpayee made a call to an old friend in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only 5 Rupees. When Vajpayee returned, he too wanted India`s Tele-communication systems to be at their best when Musharraf visited India. Suitable arrangements were made for the same. Musharraf came to India, visited the telecom department and then spoke with an old friend in hell for 5 minutes. However, this time, the bill was 500 Rupees! Musharraf asked with a sarcastic smile, "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India?" A High level diplomat gave a cool reply, "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from India it is long distance!"
***
So once three scientists american, japanese, and pakistani are discussing their nation's scientific capability, and the american says, "In our country there was this boy who lost his legs in an accident, and we put artificial ones, and today u know hes an olympic gold medalist!" so the japnese laughs and says, "This is nothing.in our nation there was this boy who lost his hands and legs in accident and we put artifical ones, and today u know, hes karate champion!" so the paki laughs and says, "These are nothing, in our nation there was this boy who had no brains, and so we put a coconut in his head, and today u know......hes the 'Military rule of pakistan!"
***
There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Oh God, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she though it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, " That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself...."If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."
***
Scene: trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one side, suddenly Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts! "Oye Abdul!" Guy pops up from other trench "Kya hai be" BANG shot dead!
"Oye Karim" 2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala" BANG BANG both khalaas.
"Oye Mustafa!" 2 more, BANG-BANG! dono saale khalaas!
Pakis get worried, they think saala Sardarji log, when did they get so smart? Decide to try it themselves.
"Abe Gurdev Singh".... silence.
"Oye Gurdev Singh!!".... silence.
"O bhai, Gurdev Singh!"
"Oye Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula raha hai re?"
Paki gets up, "Mein" BANG!
***
Three women - a Hindu from India, a Pakistani and an Afghani (obviously Muslims)- all gave birth to seven-pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got the babies mixed up somehow and couldn't tell which baby belonged to which mother. After an hour of mass confusion the father of the Hindu baby decided he'd settle the problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three infants in a row, and raised the war cry "Har har Mahadev." The Hindu baby snapped to attention, the Pakistani baby @#%$ , and the Afghani baby played in it.
***
A white man walks into a pub in Oldham, totally shattered, screaming “All Muslims are sh*theads". A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take serious offense to that ! It's a bl**dy lie !” The white guy asks, “Why? Are you a Muslim?” He replies proudly, “No. I'm a sh*thead.”
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