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Quo Vadis, Whither are You going ? - NEMESIS and NEETU (End)

Topic started by ramky on Thu Aug 10 17:40:29 2006. [Full View]

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This is my first attempt at serious story writing, so there are bound to be some flaws & inconsistencies. Kindly bear with those, and pm me about them.

QUO VADIS - WHITHER ARE YOU GOING ?

Jagannathan was sitting on the cement bench at the bus stop by the side of the main road, watching the meandering traffic pass by, through the narrow, so called Main road of the town. The traffic consisted mainly of tractors, bullock carts, mopeds - and an occassional town bus, stopping just long enough to disgorge its share of travellers and inhabitants belonging to the area.

Compared to these villagers & townpeople, Jagannathan's attire was not much different - a white dhothi, a cotton shirt, and a towel over his shoulder, substituting for the traditional angavasthram. But instead of slippers, he was wearing leather slip ons with buckles. These used to be called Quo Vadis when sold by a popular Indian shoe maker quite some years ago. While shielding his face from the dust cloud raised by passing lorry, he looked down at his slipons and immediately realised the incongruity of their presence, in relation to the surroundings and the footwear of others standing or lounging nearby at the bus stop.

For that matter, he himself was out of place in these surroundings. Just a changeover to modern clothes and he would be ready to board the flight back to the US. Ofcourse, there he was called Jacky and not Jagannathan. And he need not ( would not ) wait for an hour to board a creaky bus just to take him to the next town 50 miles away. He would take his car and go wherever he wanted to. whever he wanted to ...
There lies the million dollar question - where does he want to go now ? both literally speaking as well as figuratively.

Where are you going now Jacky ? his heart seems to querry... most turning points in his life were associated with this question.

Where are you going now Jagannathan / Jags / Jaggu Dada / Jacky ?

He remembered the first time someone had asked him this question .. Sumathi had asked him that, when she came to know that, he's leaving the school and shifting to Delhi, since his dad had got transferred there. He suddenly remembered the sad, forlorn expression on her face ... but she put up a brave front & asked him, Oh so now you will get a new set of friends ? hope you wont forget this little school and the teachers and the classrooms ?! But he knew, only her mouth was voicing these words, she had delibrately left out the phrase, "You wont forget me ?" While her eyes pleaded with him silently, entreating him not to leave, not to leave her, not to leave their friendship of five wonderful years behind. Friendship which had now blossomed to Love!

Drip .....

The sudden taste of salt in his mouth and the ting in his eyes brought him back to reality, to the present time. OMG ! He was crying ! So it wasnt the sweat from his brows which caused the salty taste - it was his tears. He, the great Jacky a.k.a. Jaggu Dada actually crying.

Hurriedly he wiped away the tears with his handkerchief and looked around surreptiously. Thank God, no one had seen him crying. For what would the villagers think! They would be scandalised to see a middle aged man ( with hair gone completely white ) shed copious tears openly, without any sense of time nor place.

Anyway did he really care two hoots what these people would think ? What do they know of HIS emotional vacuum, his immense suffering, his pangs of loneliness, his ever troubling conscience ? Even after coming to these silvan surroundings, he had to take atleast a coupla sleeping pills before even an iota of sleep would come to him. Not only the pills, he also needed an assortment of "accessories" to help him sleep - a so called best selling novel ( which he was sure even an out of work critic wouldnt have bothered to cast a scrutinising glance on ), a quarter bottle of the strongest liquor, the TV turned on with some western channel blaring cacophonically. And each night he also obsessively listened to the music CD of a famous singer ( ideal for his situation - for hadnt the singer herself lost someone dear ? ), to sing lullabies of sad numbers, each so painful to listen to, for they kept reminding him of Jayshree - she who had left him behind, to face a bleak future alone, inspite of his entreaties. just as he had left Sumathi and had gone to another city, so many eons ago..

To speak the truth, ( not for being fair, he didnt know what fair or fairplay was - he only knew about the fair faces of the fairer sex ). Anyway to speak the truth, Jayshree hadnt left him suddenly like he had done with Sumathi. She gave him sufficient warnings. And one day, out of sheer frustration, she asked him pointblank, "Jaggu, what are you trying to prove ? What you're doing is completely wrong and unfair. Listen to me ! I am not telling you all this just from a selfish viewpoint. I am not myopic like you. There's more to life than money, wealth, power etc. What are you gonna do with so many loads of these ? And for whom ? I really think you should ..."

He hadnt let her finish what she wanted to say, but had angrily opened the door, stormed out of their bedroom and slammed it shut as he hurried to the terrace, his place of refuge .. to puff away on his Kingsize filter cigarette.. as if puffing out the narcotic fumes will help to clear the poisonous thoughts clouding his brain.

He had not known it then, but his physical act of banging open & slamming the door was like a premonition. He had actually, symbolically shut out the the peace from his life and opened the door to a life full of miseries, drowning him in a deluge of sorrows. for all this, the only sobriquet he got was being nicknamed "Jaggu Devdas" - for he had become an Alcoholic - to drown the painful memories, he drowned in gallons and gallons of costly liquor. And having had to pay dearly for them ( he had to maintain his status and image at the club you know )
he started drowning in debt, bringing fresh influx of trouble from the bank, relatives, moneylenders, etc etc. and to forget all this unpleasantness, he had increased his intake of Johny Walker & Shevas Regal & Gold Monk & - what were the others ? Well the brand names of liquor do not matter anymore. what matters is that, his frenzied and uncontrolled spending had fattened the purses of the local wine-shop owners, while simulaneously emptying his bank balances.

Drip. Drip, Drip, Drip.

Once again he was shaken out of his painful reverie ... by droplets of liquid... only this time they were'nt his tears...it was actually raining !What began as a drizzle grew into a heavy rain and now it was pouring cats and dogs! He was half drenched inspite of standing under the concrete shelter of the bus stop.

This realisation made him forget his personal problems for the moment ...for hadnt the villagers been complaining about the lack of sufficient rain for so many seasons ?

Unlike the villagers who had sown paddy & similar crops, he had sown dstrust, dishonesty, disinterest, diffidence, et all in Jayshree, and now he was reaping the "fruits" of his labours a thousand fold. And no amount of repentance for his past actions, can revert his life to what it was before she had left him. He then remembered a rustic saying, "Experience is like a Comb, which a man gets after he has become bald. He cannot use the comb at all, because he has no hair left."

( to be continued...)

All the characters, incidents and situations are entirely a figment of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual events, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I now give here the lyrics of one of my favorite pop songs, which has relevance to the above story :

MAGIC - Jerry Beckley & John Lucy

I wouldnt belive it if I hadnt seen it
No no magic cudnt happen to me
And then I saw you
I couldnt believe it
You took my heart I couldnt retrieve it
Said to myself
Whats it all about
Now I know that there can really be no doubt
You can do magic

You can have anything, That you desire
Magic, And you know,
You are the one, Who can put out the fire
You know damn well, when you cast your spell
You get your way,
You give no ties, with your eyes
A heart of stone would turn to clay

And when it rains
Beating the palms & windowpanes
And in the night it gets so cool
when I cant sleep
When you can come to me
I hold you tight, the rain disappears
Who would believe it
With your words, you drive my tears

You can do magic
You can have anything, That you desire
Magic, And you know,
You are the one, Who can put out the fire
You know damn well, when you cast your spell
You get your way,
You give no ties, with your eyes
A heart of stone would turn to clay

And if I wanted to, I could never be free
I never believed it was true
But now its so clear
You can do magic
You can have anything, That you desire
You are the one, Who can put out the fire
Magic


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