Complications

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Complications

Topic started by P_R on Wed Aug 17 4:17:19 2005. [Full View]

He had thought about that day back then.

She had lain there sedated. Her lithe frame propped at an angle in the hospital bed. Her head dropped on one side as she slept with her mouth open.She didn't look particularly attractive with her hair forcibly bunched together and with the ugly polka dot hospital gown losing her gentle curves.The angled bed caused an unnatural lump near the tummy that was unlike her. I.V.s were running into her left arm making a show of the greenish veins in her pale white hand.

In her right arm there was gauze strapped over the wrist she had slit.

He sat to her right looking fixedly at the bandaged wrist. The gauze was a turning a faint yellow near the veins. That is where she wore the face of her watches: on her right hand and facing inwards. He thought she was an intelligent girl.

"I can't live without you" she had cried. He was disgusted with himself for thinking she was only professing her affection.He didn't expect this. He had also felt the brutal pain but could think of nothing. It was all for their best, he had been telling himself as he took those unnecessarily long walks home to trick himself into a weary sleep.

He wept. Not in a loud dramatic manner, but just letting the tears flow.He slipped his right hand into the huge right sleeve of her loose gown and gently pressed her biceps.He knew without looking that even with such a gentle press she was turning red leaving his finger marks.

The doctor walked up behind him and patted him. He didn't quickly take his hand off but kept it there and wiped his face with the other palm. He was still looking at her weak face.
" She will be just fine. Don't worry....Just sign here" the doctor said handing over a pad with some papers.
" Sure.....?" he asked half-croaking, tearing his eyes off her and looking into the doctor's glasses.
" Sure. There'll be no complications. I promise. .........just sign here"

Years later he was able to recall that vividly as he signed the form ,below her signature, and returned it to the divorce clerk.

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From: P_R on Mon Feb 2 13:19:50 2009. [Full View]

Thank you Roshan and SP.
I will hide behind the fact that I wrote the first draft when I was in college.
I admit, the twist holds a lot in the overall impact of the story.
The original idea was to write a longer story with multiple parallel threads each with such reversals due to unsaid 'complications' inbetween left to the readers' inference. adhu avvaLavu sariyA varalainnu vittuttEn.
From: btr on Mon Feb 2 13:34:17 2009. [Full View]

good one! short and crisp. totally unexpected , filmy ending.
On second thoughts why not attempt to write in detail of your earlier (college days) conception of the now short story?

hope to read more!
From: P_R on Mon Feb 2 13:46:41 2009. [Full View]

btr wrote:

good one! short and crisp. totally unexpected , filmy ending.

Thank You btr.

btr wrote:

On second thoughts why not attempt to write in detail of your earlier (college days) conception of the now short story?

Problem is the impact. One time has an impact. When it is more than once, then it cannot be twist based. It should be about the content itself. To be so content driven, the characters need to be established better, so it takes up length and fluff which cannot fully do justice to a single point concept. 2-3 thadavai try paNNi vittuttEn. I think this is as much as can be done for this story.

btr wrote:

hope to read more!

Here's another old one. A lighter one. Or perhaps not.
From: btr on Mon Feb 2 14:26:20 2009. [Full View]

now i know old wine is always good in texture, colour and taste.
Cheers!

(ur how to write a story...)
keep penning

From: chevy on Mon Mar 2 11:44:26 2009.

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Badri wrote:

Woah!!! For someone who claims lack of maturityas a writer, that was some thought provoker!!

Yes, as Mrs PP says, was it indeed so unexpected, or more inevitable? So much for the doctor promising him there will be no complications!!!

who made that claim?? i am a big PR visiri. lol.

Prabhu Ram. Short and impressive. Brevity isn't easy.

From: chevy on Mon Mar 2 11:52:13 2009.

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Prabhu Ram wrote:

I will hide behind the fact that I wrote the first draft when I was in college.
I admit, the twist holds a lot in the overall impact of the story.
The original idea was to write a longer story with multiple parallel threads each with such reversals due to unsaid 'complications' inbetween left to the readers' inference. adhu avvaLavu sariyA varalainnu vittuttEn.

Agree. It's hard to run the long story idea. There is the attempt to write longer . I end up dragging it and making it boring to the extent that I give up myself. Lol. When's the next update or this is it?

From: P_R on Wed Mar 4 13:44:05 2009. [Full View]

Thanks chevy

chevy wrote:

I end up dragging it and making it boring to the extent that I give up myself. Lol. When's the next update or this is it?

This is it...for now

Matsuo Basho - considered the founder of haiku - once called his pupil and told him how the last line of one of the poems he had written ten years back could be changed to make it better. What an agonizing, self-conscious git !
From: Querida on Thu Aug 20 0:28:30 2009. [Full View]

Well look at the gem I unearthed today
I feel divided: you did make a well placed shock but I also would have loved to have read more. So I admire your piece, however (cruelly) brief, but ask you to consider writing more (maybe longer pieces).

Quote:

He knew without looking that even with such a gentle press she was turning red leaving his finger marks.

such a small but personal detail that shows the depth of the relationship they had shared...or so that's what it makes me think of. The skill of showing an emotion through detail instead of just expressing it, is a talent not to be wasted.
From: P_R on Thu Aug 20 2:30:42 2009. [Full View]

Thank You Q

However I think whatever manipulative impact this one managed was due to the length and where exactly it got over.

When I am scraggy old man past sucking in his abs, I see myself boring the wits out of a sub reporter interviewer about how the overarching theme of my life's work is the change in life/times/circumstances/people to the extreme that makes it tough to take oneself seriously/hesitant to invest in emotions etc.

This work started as a poem. The vestiges of that are visible, I would self-obsessively hint, in the peristent rhythm of lines like "gauze strapped over the wrist she slit". But by then, the germ of anti-blank verse had strongly engulfed my literary persona. After some efforts to get it to some acceptable metre and rhythm were disastrous and frivolous, I paid obeisances to Kamban and wrote it as a short story

PS: Here is another attempt.

From: Querida on Tue Aug 25 17:24:43 2009.

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Prabhu Ram wrote:

This work started as a poem. The vestiges of that are visible, I would self-obsessively hint, in the peristent rhythm of lines like "gauze strapped over the wrist she slit". But by then, the germ of anti-blank verse had strongly engulfed my literary persona. After some efforts to get it to some acceptable metre and rhythm were disastrous and frivolous, I paid obeisances to Kamban and wrote it as a short story Smile

I empathize with this little literary qualm, the same thing has happened to me...but the starter was a story and the end result was a poem. Anyways, Kudos! PR. I'd like to think that your piece is like a palimpsest in which your poem's lines have shone through your prose.

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